Your response matters in resolving conflicts

How do you respond in conflict?

In her work helping teams manage conflict, Industrial Psychologist Marguerite Sacco provides research for five drivers that influence behavior under stress. These drivers simplify the adaptive behaviors we talk about. They are:

please people
try hard
be perfect
hurry up
be strong

Sacco invites leaders to inspect their own attitudes toward conflict by asking the question: "In the context of conflict, what might I do?"

If we lead with these drivers when conflict arises, we're more likely to get caught up in drama and conflict cycles as a team. To avoid the drama triangle, Sacco recommends making verbal contracts together. To make contracts, you might say things like:

"If somebody presents a problem here, we will agree not to rescue each other."
"What ways do you have to solve your own problem?"
"I see your distress, anger, etc." (acknowledge and validate catabolic energy)
"What are our ground rules for this? Because it's going to create tension on our team."
"When we have a problem, we will talk to each other, not about each other.

Raising awareness of our attitudes and interactions with others directly impacts our leadership. Our energy - the way we approach success, conflict, setbacks, and goals - sets the tone for our teams and organization.

Reflect: Which of the five drivers resonate as something you've noticed in yourself during conflict?

Journal: Write the name of a person you're feeling conflict with right now. What possible verbal contracts can you make about how you want to move forward anabolically with them?

Did you know?
We provide a culture audit to assess the collective attitude of an organization.